Robert Barnes 
News Highlights: AT&T unveils new 5G technology that drops calls 3 times faster than previously thought possible
AT&T announced Wednesday that the new 5G technology will drop calls at speeds three times faster than previously thought possible.
The revelation reassured AT & T’s frustrated 4G LTE customers, who for years suffered from phone calls lasting several excruciatingly long seconds before disconnecting.
“Gone are the outdated days of dialing a phone number and ringing twice before your phone hangs up involuntarily,” CEO John T. Stankey said in a press release that had to be emailed to the media due to AT & T’s poor Internet service at his own home. . “With our revolutionary 5G infrastructure spanning two and a half blocks from San Francisco’s SoMa neighborhood, the call will fail before you even hear a single ringtone. Now that is fast. ”
Stankey ended the letter by reassuring customers that their new 5G plan would include free directions to the nearest McDonald’s parking lot with half a decent Wi-Fi signal.
Editor’s Note: This article is purely satirical and fictional. All attributions in this article are not real, and this story should only be read in the context of pure entertainment.
Please contact Prateek Joshi at pjoshi2 ‘at’ stanford.edu.
Via: www.stanforddaily.com
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